Small Talk

Ah, small talk…. Chit chat…. Polite conversation about trivial, mundane, uncontroversial matters. The weather, the traffic, movies….

I love small talk. I have embraced it. That’s not to say I’m good at it.

The popular notion that introverts abhor small talk is partially true. We don’t want to go through an entire day having only deep conversations with every person we encounter. That would be exhausting. 

We enjoy talking about the weather. The older I get the more I talk about it.

I have to rant about traffic at least once a day.

I could talk about Star Wars or Godzilla all day long.

And I love a heaping dose of gossip. Who is sleeping with who, who got in trouble for what, where so and so is now. 

It isn’t necessarily small talk that we hate so much as the quantity of talk. All talk becomes wearisome when we are tired.

Where It Happens Matters

Location makes a difference.

Small talk occurs at places introverts dislike being: parties, crowded workspaces, casual run-ins with acquaintances at grocery stores. Those occasions beg for small talk. We also hate being at parties, at work, and at the grocery store.

Spending time at home with just a spouse, or with a close friend, is more comfortable for us. Those are also times when conversations steer into deeper territory. I am much more likely to get into a deep conversation at home with my wife than I am riding an elevator with a stranger.

The conversational subjects may even be the same in both cases, but since introverts are more comfortable at home they don’t view the conversation as small talk.  

Regardless of who the conversation is with, where it is at, or what the topic is, an introvert will still reach a point where she feels her energy bleeding out. She requires solitude. All talk, be it small or not, drains the life out of her. 

How Long It Happens

If an introvert has been around people all day, it doesn’t matter if the talk is small or the talk is big—all talk is bad. 

Short bursts of small talk fill uncomfortable silences and maintain casual social connections. Put simply, it’s what you do around these here parts. It does the same thing to casual relationships that oil does to an engine, or what a no-stick cooking pan does for a kitchen. It makes it smoother.

That is because, here in America, it is considered impolite to stand in someone’s presence and not speak to them. 

It’s a dumb social protocol. 

I don’t make the rules.

The good part about small talk is it lasts for only a few minutes. We part ways, the other person feels acknowledged, and I revert back into my introverted shell like a sensitive turtle.

If I have to bounce from person to person making small talk, my brain will go into meltdown after about a half an hour. The same thing happens when I have a prolonged conversation with a good friend. I suddenly find myself with nothing to say, and a profound tiredness comes over me. 

Who It Happens With

Some people just suck the life right out of me. I need a week-long vacation after talking to them. They crave validation and acknowledgement so badly that they lock eyes with me, grab my arm, and talk nonstop. I have to pay attention and offer the right words at the right time to satisfy their fragile ego.

These people are psychic mosquitos. They sink their metaphysical probiscis into my soul and suck me dry. 

Extroverts also despise these energy mosquitos. They dive bomb every available person and beg for attention. They have issues.

Even when we are not dealing with a mentally unbalanced attention hound that’s working through their childhood issues one conversation at a time, introverts still get tired out from conversation. 

We last longer in a conversation with a close friend or a spouse, but we still hit our breaking point where we stop being part of the discussion and need to withdraw.

Final Thoughts

Any talk can be small talk. Where you are and who you are talking to are bigger factors than the subject of the conversation.

Introverts don’t hate small talk. We enjoy it in a way because it lets us fit in socially without being fully engaged.

Those social mosquitos need to get therapy.

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Images by jose from Pixabay and by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay and by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay